Poppy I am really, really, really mad at you! You said it would be fun to be President, but it really, really, really, really, really, sucks! This job sucks for the reasons below:
1. Dicky got the big pretty office and I got an old card table in the broom closet.
2. Folks keep pickin' on me cause those dang A-rabs keep causin' gas prices to rise.
a. When I thought we could drill in that reserve in Alaska them dang enviro-mentalists tore me a new one. Who cares about those smelly fleabags anyway? Just gimme my lucky shotgun—bang, bang, bang—that’ll learn’em!
b. Jebby won’t let me drill in Florida! Now, this really steams me!!! Ain’t I the President? Ain’t he my brother? Ain’t I older? Shouldn’t he be on my side? Ain’t he a Republican? I hope Janet Reno whoops his butt big time!!
Dang, I lost count!
* Them dang Chinese won’t give me my plane back! It's my plane not theirs! I want it back, dangit!!!!!!!!!
* Folks are blamin' me cause we got kicked off of the UN-Human Rights Commission. I don’t know what the big deal is. Why would we wanna be on an unhuman commission anyway?
* Folks are callin' me a hippocrat (I’m not sure what this means—somethin' like a hippo and a dang Democrat, I suppose. Anyway, it doesn’t sound good!), cause Dicky invited some moneybags over to his house the other night. I don’t know why I should get into trouble cause Dicky did somethin' stupid! I thought he was supposed to keep me out of trouble?
* Them dang Democrats in Congress are holdin' up my tax bill. Dicky sez they’re lovin' it to death. I didn’t understand that at first. Let me tell you, it gave me one heck of a headache tryin' to figger why them dang Democrats were holdin' up my bill if they loved it. Then Dicky explained that lovin' means they are attachin' a whole bunch of silly addments to it so folks won’t vote for it. That’s a dang sneaky thing to do! (And all this time I thought lovin’ was what me and Laury do on Friday nights—heh, heh)
* And worst of all, that dang Senator from Vermont sez he’s not gonna be a Republican no more. He’s goin' Independent and joinin' up with them dang Democrats. All cause some ninny forgot to invite him to some lawn party. Dicky sez that means them dang Democrats will be in charge of the Senate and they are gonna give me even more trouble with my bills. Dang, Dang, Dang!!!!!! I’m gonna change his nickname to Dang Democrat —that’ll learn’em!
So, Poppy—with all due respect—you can take this job and stuff it! Let Dicky be President. He’s bossy and won’t let me do anythin' anyway. I wanna go back to Texas and run my baseball team. That was fun!!!
PS: I get to keep the big plane with the comfy chairs, right?